Recent thoughts

okay..i have no idea if anyone even read this anymore since i am so inconsistent with writing..but whatver, i will write because it is therapeutic and i dont mind if no one reads them. blogs are slightly obnoxious anyways, unless your life is legit you must tell everyone about it at all times..but alas, here are some thoughts.

so i am in the weirdest place right now. i need to figure out where i am transferring too, i am 90 percent sure i will not be living at home in the fall, but i still need math to transfer, so the plan is a JC some where else, like Questa, or Santa monica city college, or even santa Barbara city college. so i can grow up...on my own. which will be great. and then hopefully spring semester take off and travel and do a long term mission trip. then transfer in the fall. this is my plan, but who knows what God has planned for me. i feel like im in one of those cliche crossroads in life, and i need to make so many decisions. so scary, but so good.

i feel like 2008 has been the strangest year. i think i have learned a lot about myself and been stretched in so many ways. i met amazing people at camp that changed my life, and met people locally that have changed me too. i have learned that i am a people pleaser, and how that is not so healthy. so im currently working on doing what God wants, and not being manipulated to what other people want me to do.

hmm..i have also learned so much about my strengths and even more weakness, which is very humbleing, and God has really broke me this year in some ways, but it has actually been really cool. i have also had some amazing times in 2008, and have had a very blessed year with friends and family, and opportunity.

i am constaly reminded of how important it is to realize that i have been blessed to live in a safe environment where i can learn, and have free religion. i suffer no oppression and i live in a country where i can speak my mind, worship freely and get an education. i have a comferabtle home, a great community and a church family. i have no diseases or impairments. sometimes when we want to complain about how miserable it is that we have a crappy cell phone, or our computer is the old model, or we dont have the latest ipod, or we hate having to go to school and write papers, its so awesome to look at the SIMPLE necessities in life and see how blessed we are to live in the richest country in the world and are provided with so many opportunities half the world would love the chance to have...gosh..

i think it was also cool to look at christmas this year as more about spending quality time,making presents with love instead of spending money and hours in shopping malls supporting consumerism and indulgence. presents that are crafty and thoughtful are so much more meaningful. sometimes we get so caught up with presents , parties and traditions we forget that this holiday is to remember the reason for the season, being the birth of the greatest gift to earth, our savior! such a fantastic present! haha. so yeah. it was cool to focus on quality vs. quantity this season! hope you all had a chance to do the same!

some things that rocked my world and contributed to this post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU - christmas thoughts

Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claborne.-a must read. turned my world upside down.

Jesus for President-Shane Claborne- a way to look at the church and politics.

the election of Obama

Born into brothels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e7yuSR89QAthe film Born Into Brothels -

The film Slum Dog millioare- A MUST SEE

and life in general of course!


some goals for 2009:

learn an instrument

no procrastination

apply to schools

get good grades

respect mama and pops more

do homless out reach more often

hang out with respectful boys who dont make me feel crappy. so important.

LOVE people


thanks for reading if you did!! have a great new year!!!

A personal Psalm

This is a random post! i meant to do a lot more! ill write more about camp soon! but this is a poem i wrote..well not really its just a letter to God.

Search me oh lord and know my heart,

You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same..

How can this be?

You know my pain, you know my joy.

Tell me what to do.

Tell me who to be.

Guide me in your ways.

Have your way with my life.

I cant flee from your presence

You wont let me go.

Your love is unending.

Wrap your arms around me.

Hold me and tell me what to do.

Tell me how to please you.

Your grace is unending

Love is unconditional

Teach me to love like you.

Give me a compassionate heart

Help me be the light in a dark room

Mold my heart like a potter and clay

Help me be a lover, a wise one.

Guard me heart, for it belongs to you oh God.

The Vineyard so far...

hey friends and family!!

So i never get on the computer..we are talking one hour a week so it is hard to blog..but i would love to share whats going on here..

The first week was orientation and so i did not have campers in my cabin. i was just rooming with a girl from mexico, north carolina and columbia..they are AMAZING! we take turns at night talking about home and we learn new things about each-others culture..its soo awesome..they are so much fun.

there are about 100 staff...i would say half are french, then a ton of mexicans and then some americans. in between there is a few columbians, a german, a guy from Kazakhstan and as the summer goes on more countries keep coming. Even the Americans are foreign to me because they are very much southern..so its a complete culture shock...but it is amazing. they only thing we have in common is that we all believe in the same God. But even with that there is different views. most of the foreign staff are catholic and i have even attended a few mass's..so interesting!

i am currently teaching swimming with a guy from mexico and germany last week and this week i taught with a mexican and a french guy. On top of teaching four hours a day i have to have my campers, get to meals on time, hike up a giant hill every morning, play tag and non stop games, sing at the top of my lungs and NEVER sleep...its getting easier though and i am learning to have to be on time...which is a new idea for me. if your late to a meal everyone knows and you get publicly called out and you have to eat last...so its soo good for me. Xtina would be so proud..

well i need to go eat a meal now..and tonight we have a dance...SOOOOO FUN...french people are the best dancers everrrrrr. major dance party..

oh and no summer romance yet..(haha)

i will try to call people on mondays and sat! love you and miss you all. please pray for my health and rest and also paticnice with campers. thanks ya'll :)